What a great gift is given when a doctor cures the blindness of a person who cannot see! What payment can match the gift restored? The cured blind person may give the doctor gold piled upon gold, but the doctor gave the power to see light! If you ever wished to remind the newly seeing person that in giving gold he truly gave nothing, just put [him] in a room without light and tell [him] to look for the colors of all that gold!.

*St. Augustine. Commentary on Psalm 26/2, 8. In Donald Burt. Day by Day with Saint Augustine. Feb. 5 “Blindness.” 29f.

Donald Burt, commenting on St. Augustine, writes of our sometimes-blindness pertaining to seeing our way:

As we travel through life sometimes we seem to be floating in the dark. We would like to see for certain where we are going. But we cannot because we are blind. In such dark periods all we can do is put up with them and wait for the light to come.

Now, possibly, Burt is understating when he says all we can do is tolerate and wait for light. Possibly, however, he is somewhat, if not fully right. For there is a put-up-with in such lost times. This put-up-with pertains to patience. Patience, or perseverance, relates to tolerating the not-knowing that is often part of our lives: maybe always. Patience evidences hope and faith.

I just moved into a new dwelling last week. After my friends moved in, I realized that I was making an adjustment I have not had to make in many years. The last time I had moved in to live with another in a dwelling not “my own” was almost thirty years ago. I was a 19-year old pastor. A widow gave me a room in her home, so I could keep her company and be near my church.

So, during devotions the morning after our three being in the same dwelling, and it not “my” house, I went into morning devotions. I could feel the uncertainty, and the being lost. I read devotions and felt some sense of brief inspiration, and the same occurred in meditation.

During meditation I felt myself praying with a distinct reliance on and connection to Christ, Who at times felt very near. This occurred, for example, in praying meditatively the Jesus Prayer: “Blessed Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.” “Sinner” is not just saying “I've failed,” but includes all it means to be a fallible human being; this is an expression of reliance – creature on Creator, clay on Artisan.

So, there I was – with many questions, or in St. Augustine and Burt's word: blindness. Such times of blindness can open many unanswered questions. Here are some of mine – only some. I am leading a new Christian fellowship group, which we are hopeful will turn into a mission. Will it succeed? I have only a part-time, contracted position at work. Will my part-time work pick up more hours, as my employer base expands, likely early next year? How will my friends and I experience living together? Will it work for me – a solitary, by many standards, and a person needing much time alone and meditative quiet to function well and serve well? And, how about going back home – seeing the aging of my dad and the major health issues facing my one living sibling? What about that job working with youth up north? They invited me to give a call. Maybe after vacation, I need to look into that possibility? What about that area up north that is short of pastors, in the denomination I just left? Would a move to a different, less conservative geographical area work, though it did not work in Florida in that group? Oh, yes, that other denomination that keeps coming to my heart – Is Spirit saying to check into that possibility? Or, do I need to go back to school, and get a degree to teach in English and Writing – which I would so much enjoy doing? Also, I love going to school.

Now, the questions I face can go on. But, back to Burt, and from burdening this writing with more personal quires:

The fact that we cannot see is no sign that Jesus-God is not present. In the gospel story Jesus was with the blind Bartim[a]eus even before he cured him. So too, every life is guided by the providence of God who loves both those who can see him clearly and those who are still blind to his presence.

Okay, God is with me – in this blindness - and with you – in your times of blindness. Now, can we do more than bear it and hope for light to come? Yes. Burt refers to a practical, common-sense thing to do.

As we wait for the light, it is best to heed Augustine's advice to try to reach out to others who are going through their own darkness. In trying to serve others who, like ourselves cannot see, we are in fact serving the unseen Lord who knows our love. We give him the gift of our blindness and ask him to make good use of it.

The worst thing we can do when we feel lost is to close in on ourselves. Yes, we may need more alone time to gather strength for the journey and seek discernment. Indeed, being lost may be a time when we are being providentially given some time off: to heal, to clarify, to strengthen, to forgive, to grow closer to Grace, … Yet, serving others in need, in their being lost, can be a powerful means of our own finding clarity and reevaluating what matters most.

Recently, I had such an opportunity. I gave spiritual direction to someone. Though I could not say so to the person, I knew much of what she was saying was very close to my own experience. I felt like one lost person listening to another lost person. I do not mean that negatively; I mean I felt the gift of bringing my seeking and questions to be a compassionate presence to another seeker. That gift of my blindness encouraged me to know God would use this experience I am going through to be a more kind, compassionate being to fellow-travelers.

As we see the story of the healing of the blind man named Bartimaeus, we find that our faith is vital in cooperating with Grace. He ran to Jesus, and he spoke, “I want to see!” That longing is part of the energy that opens us to join with the One who restores spiritual sight. That cry “I want to see!” is a cry of dependence. When we reach our limits of light, when darkness descends on our sight, our very prayer is a knock at the door of One who in hearing us manifests Presence as a Light above all lights. And no prayer for seeing goes unheard, even if the season of clarity is still in the making, and we must patiently wait and lovingly serve other travelers with a like cry for direction.

Lastly, our being lost is an opening to a fresh reliance on Grace, Who seeks to guide us into a new beginning. Sure, it can be scary, but there is something deeply natural, wonderfully satisfying in that moment of humbled surrender to Love. There is the sense of self-abdication, the release from the tight grip on this being “my” life, and an opening to hope. For to open to God in trust means to open to the guidance of an Unseen Hand, one you can recall has never let you down and never leaves you alone.

1. Reflect on the words from the song "Let There Be Love." Here are the words. Anne Murray singing the song is on UTube, so, you might want to listen to it there. Just search from UTube: Anne Murray "Let There Be Love."

2.Is it possible to lack direction in your life and that blindness to be part of God's will for your life? Share your response.

3. Are you feeling lost as to your future? How did the writing today speak to you in your lack of clarity?

4. Have you ever gone through a time of blindness to be led into a new, better life? Explain.

5. Do you know someone you can help during a time he or she is going through a lack of clarity? How may you help?

6. Reread the story of Jesus healing Bartimaeus. Where do you see yourself in the story? What is the story inviting you to do?
Brian Kenneth Wilcox July 28, 2009
briankwilcox@yahoo.com
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*OneLife Ministries is a ministry of Brian Kenneth Wilcox, SW Florida. Brian lives a vowed life and with his two dogs, Bandit Ty and St. Francis, with friends and under a vow of simplicity. Brian is an ecumenical-interspiritual leader, who chooses not to identify with any group, and renounces all titles of sacredness that some would apply to him, but seeks to be open to how Christ manifests in the diversity of Christian denominations and varied religious-spiritual traditions. He affirms that all spiritual paths lead ultimately back to Jesus Christ. He is Senior Chaplain for the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office, Punta Gorda, FL.

*Brian welcomes responses to his writings or submission of prayer requests at briankwilcox@yahoo.com . Also, Brian is on Facebook: search Brian Kenneth Wilcox.

*Contact the above email to book Brian for preaching, Spiritual Direction, retreats, workshops, animal blessing services, house blessings, or other spiritual requests. You can order his book An Ache for Union from major booksellers.